Episode 9: What to Do When Your Partner Has a Different Play Personality Than You

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What do you do when your play personality is opposite to your partner's play type? And what do you do when your partner's traits and preferences make you go, "Ugh"? That's what we'll chat about today on the Play Dates for Couples podcast. And if you haven't taken the What's Your Play Personality? quiz, you can do that at playdatesforcouples.com/quiz.

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I got a great comment from a reader recently, which led to the question I'm addressing in this episode. This reader took the What's Your Play Personality? quiz and wrote to me afterward. She said, "My spouse is exactly what my results described as what drives me nuts. Ugh. how can I make things better for both of us?"

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Let's talk about what to do when you have a different play type than your partner, or even the opposite play type that drives you up a wall. Number one. It's completely normal for partners to have opposite characteristics and preferences that make us go, "Ugh" or give us that eye roll. It's the same as with your personality in general and just how we go about life.

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Anyone have the classic disagreement about which way the toilet paper goes on the holder, or a partner who's messy and one who's super clean and tidy? We usually have a different personality than our partner and it's often the opposite. My partner and I also have different play types and personalities and definitely give each other that eye roll as well.

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My partner's the peaceful play type and I'm purposeful. We have other differences as well because I also love playful costumes and have a blast doing that and he hates it. He loves going out to hockey and soccer games around tons of people and I hate that. And a great example is a recent experience we had with a date night.

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We got cold case files for Christmas as something to do for date nights. I love these kinds of things. I love true crime, criminal minds kinds of things and solving puzzles and mysteries. Even as a kid, I would spend hours reading mysteries and solving logic puzzles. I was so excited to work on these cold case files.

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We decided we would do one and we both enjoyed it but I ended up finishing it myself because it got to be too much thinking for my partner. He wanted to just chill and relax and when it came to doing another one for a later date night, he wasn't interested at all, so I did the rest myself as well. He said he'd have to be in a particular frame of mind to be able to do all the thinking work.

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On days when he's tired from work or on weekends when he just wants to re-energize, it doesn't work for him. But I could literally spend days and days and months and years on this kind of stuff. I'm an investigator, studier and researcher by nature and figuring things out as a passion of mine. So we agreed that I would do them myself and we would do something else for our date nights that we both enjoy.

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Number two. It helps to increase your understanding of each other's types. When you know yourself and your partner better, it increases understanding of each other's qualities and your likes and dislikes. So, I recommend that you both take the quiz. Three. Communication is key. So talk about your types, your differences, your similarities and your personalities in general. What makes each of you tick?

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What gives you the eye roll? Where do you both come together with things that resonate for both of you? Where are you open to do something that other person enjoys and vice versa. And where are you not open to trying something? Number four. Celebrate each person's uniqueness. It's part of what makes you, you. Honoring each other's authentic selves and supporting each other to be the best versions of ourselves was an agreement that my partner and I came to after our separation, along with a couple of other agreements.

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If you haven't heard that story, go back and listen to the first official episode where I share our story. It's pretty powerful. Number five. Do date nights and other couple connection moments in ways that address both partners' types so that you support each other and both people's needs are met. My partner and I

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kind of have an established dynamic between the two of us where we know and respect each other's needs and we know that if one thing favors one partner's type, then another time it'll favor our own. Having the conversations that I mentioned earlier will help you to know what kinds of things you can include for day nights.

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Six. Plan your date nights and connection moments together in advance so you're in agreement about what you're doing. Some you'll like more than others and that's okay. My partner and I always plan our date nights together. We also do reviews of them afterward and either tweak the ones we don't like or just don't do them again, at least not together

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as in the case of the cold case files. You can get those date night reviews as well as date night and connection ideas and community over at the Couples Playhouse, which is a light intentional space for couples to connect through play. Seven. Another thing that I'm gonna be talking more about in the future is to discover your own human design and how you interact together.

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This goes deeper than just personality. It helps you know yourself and your nature at a deep level and there's something called connection charts that show how your human designs impact each other and how your energies interact. Your connection chart shows you where you compliment each other, where you compromise and where you may have conflicts. And this helps you navigate things and understand each other even better, so that you can work together on those things that make you go, "Ugh" about each other.

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In my Connected Relationship Method that I teach couples in order to support them in creating the connection they want in their relationship, there are five Cs. One of the Cs is core identity, which is your individual identity. Another one of the Cs is couple identity, which is the interaction of both of your core identities. I'm gonna be bringing more of human design into these aspects and I'll have some awesome stuff coming up in that area at a later date to help you dive deeper into it.

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So stay tuned for that and follow the show so you don't miss any upcoming episodes to help you create an awesome relationship with your partner. Thanks for listening and I'll see you in the next one!